Sometimes life is hard

Sometimes, day to day life all gets a bit much.  Sometimes, day to day life isn't easy to cope with by oneself.  Sometimes, the smallest of tasks, seem to be really daunting, even though when one looks at them logically; they aren't actually a problem at all.  Sometimes, one just has to take a 'step back' and remind oneself that there are worse things that happen in the world, than whatever it is that one is currently ranting about.

I'm 57 years old. I'm a 'ranting middle aged spinster'. And sometimes life is hard. Sometimes being on one's own is really hard. Sometimes it would be nice to have just a teeny, weeny, little bit of emotional support.

Most of the time I love my life. I love being able to do what I want to do, when I want to do it. I love being able to watch whatever I want to watch on TV, without a partner switching the TV onto the football channel and then falling asleep and then miraculously waking up when I change channels. I love watching all the 'soaps'.

I love being in control of my own life.

But sometimes, just sometimes, a little bit of emotional support would be lovely.

Sometimes, it's really hard being a woman on your own. Sometimes you just need a man to hold your hand, or reassure you, or be there for you, or even just to stand next to you while you are completing important negotiations.

Sometimes it's very hard being a 'Ranting Middle Aged Spinster'.

Not quite sure whether this is a RANT or a plea for emotional support??

I love my life, I really do.

BUT here lies the problem. Sometimes I don't want to be by myself. Sometimes I yearn for the emotional support that being in a relationship brings. Sometimes, I wonder whether I might die alone. And if I do die alone; would anyone care? But actually would I care? After all, if I'm dead; would I have the ability to care? Would I be sitting on some cloud, up in the sky somewhere, looking down on myself and thinking; I'm dead? Who cares? .................. Probably not a lot of people.

I would say; that 'Life as a Middle Aged Ranting Spinster', is positive about 95% of the time.  Unfortunately, when the 5% of negativity hits, it's like a bolt from the blue, and I feel like I'm not capable of doing anything???

...................I can't get a job, nobody loves me, I have no friends, I'm not capable of doing anything, my life is a mess, my hair is a mess, I'm fat, I'm old...........................  I just want to curl up and die.

Fortunately, for me, I have the ability to dig myself out of this depressing hole.

A lot of my friends are on 'anti-depressant's' and have 'health problems'.

And I think that is why, I can concentrate on just being me.  On a scale of 1 - 10, my life is probably a 9.

How many other people can say that???

Yes, I know this will seem like a very depressing RANT to a lot of you.  But that's what I do - I RANT.

At the end of the day; I love my life!!!!